Stand By Your Friends

When you see a friend  going down a rabbit hole, repeating things that hurt others  it’s hard to decide what to do. 

You want to help your friend and get them back on a better path, but at the same time you might not want to end up with a reputation of being seen supporting their ideas, but its important to stay by their side, so they know they have someone they can turn to.

So, sticking by your friends is important!

When I was involved in the far right, a lot of my friends stopped talking to me.

Looking back, I don’t blame them. However this did help me slip further into a world of hate, trauma and pain. Socialising and talking to other far right members, because I had no-one  else and this led to further succumbing to radicalisation and  it can lead to people not wanting to leave, due to fear of loneliness. 

The couple of friends that did stick by me, were actually key to my deradicalisation process. 

Not only because they were confident enough to challenge the things I said, and have a discussion with me on the various topics I spoke about, but without them knowing it, they offered me a pathway back to sanity and safety.

When I was around them, talking about interests I had like football and music it allowed me to have a safe space to be normal and see what life should be like.

Besides my friends,  I was also fortunate to engage with Prevent and recieve support from an IP, who supported and mentored me.

Together they all stuck with me. Helped me see I was wrong and alow me to walk away from extremism and rebuild a life away from hate.

So if you have a friend, who is saying things which are racist or extremist, please stick with them, be a real friend, because extremists will only use and manipulate your friend and if they get in trouble they will drop them and they may never recover without support.

Far from being a snake, or a snitch or a grass. You are protecting t=your friend, supporting them and trying to keep them away from danger and that's what real friends do.

Besides offering a safe space for your friend, you should also get help.

You can speak to an adult at school like a DSL ( designated safeguarding lead ) and let them know about your worries about your friend, so they can be supported and protected from danger.

In all honesty I wish one of my friends had spoken to my safeguarding lead when I was in education.

If a referral had been made sooner it would have stopped me getting further involved. 

When making referrals, weeks and months are crucial. Making a referral as soon as you think one is necessary rather than waiting around could stop someone getting arrested at a demo, stop someone downloading something they shouldn’t or even hurting someone, because they are being encouraged to do this by others.

Looking to the future,  after your friend is supported to change their extremist ideas, they will remember that you were there for them, and your friendship will be stronger for it.

In life we all make mistakes, and sometimes people can get involved in things they shouldn’t. 

These mistakes should be seen as a life lesson, not a life sentence. 

If you need any help or support for yourself or one of your friends,  you can get help from any of the following places. 

DSL

You can speak to your designated safeguarding lead to get help and support

ACT Early

You can call them 24/7 on 0800 011 3764 to get help from one of their trained staff

Prevent

All you have to do is google your local area followed by prevent and you will find the local details of your Prevent team and then you can ask them for advice.

Finally, look beyond labels, while some may call your friend names like racist or Nazi, this doesn't help and instead what we need are safe spaces to ask questions in our communities.

Not glamorous or exciting, this is the only way we will reduce people talking to extremists, so let's work together, support each other and support our friends.

*The author of this article has chosen to remain annoymous.