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Welcome To Exit Family Support
You Are Not Alone
We understand what you're going through,
because we have had a loved one involved ourselves
No Judgement - Just Support
If you have a loved one involved in extremism and don't know what to do, don't worry you are not alone.
Providing non-judgmental support, Exit Hate has a dedicated online family support programme, and we want to help you keep your loved one safe and away from danger.
Offering confidential support, people once registered as a site member can access our online support programme, so families can access this information at any time of the day.
Providing guidance from people who understand, we don't judge, because we are family members who have had a loved one involved ourselves and former members of the far-right who have turned our lives around and left.
Working together, we are here for you and want to support you in understanding why someone can become involved in extremism and how to have conversations that don't end up in arguments, so you can help the person you love, see alternatives to extremism and how family life is everything.
About Us
Exit Family Support is a dedicated programme of Exit Hate, and we are here to help people who think their loved one might be involved or supportive of ERW (Extreme Right-Wing) extremism.
Working together, our team includes family members who have had a loved one involved and former far-right activists who’ve rejected their past and now use our lived experiences to help others.
As we have been through this ourselves, we know what you’re going through, and we can help. Alongside our family members and formers who have lived experience of the impact of extremism, we also have a growing number of volunteers and professionals who help us engage with people involved, so we understand, sympathise, and never judge.
Because most of us have been through what you are experiencing, we know how lonely and worried you can feel, and that's why Exit Family Support exists, and we have been supporting families since 2016.
Not the police, there is no risk in contacting us. Everything you say is in confidence and just between us.
We provide support, advice & reassurance tailored to your family’s needs, so your loved one can get back to a normal life.
We’ll work with you to find solutions, explain things along the way and can be contacted every step of the way on your journey.
Part of Exit Hate, a registered charity (1197666), we are here for you.
Need help? Here are your options -
If you want support and would like a chat with someone in confidence, we would always recommend that you reach out to ACT Early - https://actearly.uk, who can offer confidential advice and support.
Alternatively, you can sign up to our online support programme, simply visit the menu bar and click on - Module 1 Families, register as a site member, and you will be given access to our online support programme, which you can then work through at your own pace.
If you have any questions which aren't answered in the programme and need a one-off reply, please email us at - info@exithate.org
One of our volunteers will then reach out to you as soon as they can.
Signs To Be Aware Of.............
It can be worrying when you notice your loved one’s behaviour changing. It can be a difficult time and many parents want to know how to tell if their loved one has become involved with far-right extremism. The truth is there’s no easy answer.
Lots of teenagers push the boundaries as a normal part of growing up, but it doesn’t mean they are being radicalised. The key is to look at the whole picture to see if there’s any real cause for concern.
To help, here are some signs people involved with the extreme right-wing may show.
ATTITUDE
Change in mood. They may be more argumentative or aggressive.
Have a sudden increase in intolerance of other people’s views.
Give ‘scripted’ answers if you question their views.
Feel they are a victim of injustice or blame others for their problems.
BEHAVIOUR
Secretive behaviour – Seeking to hide what they are doing, things to look out for might be, for example, hiding what they are looking at online, either on their phone or their laptop.
Changes in routine, travel, friends or interests. Connecting with people, no one knows,
Idolising historical extremists, for example i.e., Adolf Hitler, Oswald Mosley or both.
Supporting populist figures of today, i.e., Tommy Robinson or Andrew Tate.
APPEARANCE
Change in appearance – This could include people wearing different types of clothes or having new tattoos with symbols that you have never seen before.
Their clothing may become plainer to hide their views, so they don't stick out or it could change where people start to have logos on what they wear, and you have never seen them before. All of this could be a sign that they are supportive of an extremist group.
People could start collecting far-right extremist literature and have it in their bedroom or home, including books like Mein Kampf, Siege and The Turner Diaries. They could also have items like flags, leaflets or posters on display. They may be trying to show their identity, or hide it; this all depends on the group people support.
If you are worried, talk to someone.
Visit ACT Early or call - 0800 011 3764
The Dangers
Without support, your loved one could be manipulated into an act that puts their lives or the lives of others at risk.
Far-right or extreme right-wing groups are powerful and very manipulative.
Young people can be vulnerable to their messages as they struggle to find their identity.
If your loved one has been drawn in by extremists, the fact is that they are at risk.
The extreme right-wing includes radical and violent nationalist and supremacist groups. They can even have links to Satanist and neo-Nazi cults who see people as nothing more than pawns to promote their hate and it's critical we keep as many people away from this lifestyle as possible, because nothing positive will come of it.
Some of these groups are even banned by the UK government, which means that even being a member is a crime and could result in a lengthy prison sentence and therefore getting people out is the best thing we can do for them and yourself , to protect them and others from harm.
Their involvement could land them in prison, threatening their safety and limiting their prospect of living a normal life in the future, including getting a job. Your concern could help them and they will thank you for it later.
Extremist groups brainwash people and can push them to perform acts of violence, even though people may not want to, because they are scared.
Your loved one's exposure to these ideas and acts risks grave physical and psychological harm to people involved and this we call involvement trauma which people can suffer from for many years and this is why we are here to help families like you get your loved ones away from extremist influence and help them rebuild their lives away from danger.
Inside
Stories
Wanting to highlight real Inside Stories, we have created a number of films which show how we have supported families to help loved ones leave the far-right and rebuild their lives. Their stories have been adapted and told by actors to protect the identity of the people we work with.
If you would like to share your story with us, please get in contact with our team, because the more people who know what life is like having a loved one involved, the more people will reach out for support. This can be via a blog article or podcast, so your identity is protected. Interested? Email: info@exithate.org
Emma never had any trouble with her two kids when they were growing up until her son Pete became interested in the far-right.
This film tells the story of her ordeal from finding out about Pete’s involvement, through to making contact with us and how we were able to help her get her son back.
Emma's Story
Gavin's Story
Gavin was alarmed to find his son posting fascist videos online. But when he challenged him about it, his son wouldn’t listen.
With expert guidance from Exit Family Support, Gavin tried a different approach.
Slowly, he helped his son turn away from extremism, enrol at college and get his future back.
With Your Help ...........
HOW TO HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITHOUT ENDING UP IN AN ARGUMENT
The main thing is to avoid arguing and telling them they’re wrong – it could push your loved one further away.
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Try not to use words like ‘extremist’, ‘racist’, 'nazi', ‘groomed’ or ‘radicalised’, which could make them feel attacked.
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Talk in a relaxed atmosphere for example at home over a cup of tea.
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Pick a time that’s good for both of you, try to avoid interruptions and turn off your phone.
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Tell your loved one you genuinely want to hear what they think – not just what the media says. Explain you know there are things wrong in society and want to know how they think they can make things better. This will open the door to difficult, but honest conversations.
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM CONVERSATIONS
Far-right groups are experts at manipulation. You may be shocked to find your loved one now holds beliefs that you find horrific and just not true.
Avoid telling them they are wrong or dismissing their views as extremist propaganda – after all, who likes to be told what they should and shouldn’t believe?
MY LOVED ONE WON’T TALK TO ME
Sometimes with the best will in the world, it’s hard to even get a conversation started. If you are in this situation, please get in touch. We can suggest icebreakers to encourage your loved ones to open up and have conversations to find out why people are angry and why they think being involved in extremism, will help things become better.
WHEN CONVERSATIONS DON’T GO TO PLAN
Being honest this is real life and sometimes your conversations won’t always go the way you want.
If arguments start, the smart move is to take a break. Suggest making a cup of tea or walking the dog – or tell them you have a chore you must do, like going to the shops. This will give you the space you both need.
Once the heat is out of the conversation, ask if you can continue another time. This will leave the door open to talk again and this is very important.
Above all, try not to feel disheartened. It’s a long road, but helping your child is possible and we are here to help you using our lived experience.
People Can Change........
Families Matter
Families are, in our opinion, crucial to reducing and challenging extremism in a non-confrontational way.
In this video, we have two special moms, Sarah and Nicola talking about what it is like having a son involved.
To introduce this video to you, let's hear from Sarah.
Video Introduction
Looking for answers on how we can reduce extremism, Exit works with some amazing people.
In this video, I sit down with a remarkable lady named Nicola Benyahia, who sadly lost her son Rasheed after shrapnel struck him on the Syrian/Iraq border.
Rasheed was there after being radicalised as a teenager. Rasheed snuck away from his home one day, and while his parents, sisters, and loved ones knew something was wrong, they were completely unaware of his involvement.
Worried sick about their precious son and brother, it was only over the coming days, weeks and months that the horrifying truth came out and they found out that Rasheed had fled the country and joined ISIS.
He was only 19 years old.
Having experienced my own son being radicalised into extremism, Nicola and I had so much to talk about; however, it wasn’t ISIS that stole my son, it was the extreme right wing.
During our conversation, it transpired that our boys were very alike in their nature, the signs of radicalisation and our experiences were both very similar, but the outcomes couldn’t be more different.
In this video we talk openly and candidly about our journeys of having a loved one involved in extremism and how that feels.
We talk about the confusion, pain, fear and shame that we both felt. We reflect on the past and talk about what we have learned since. And we discuss what parents, families, friends and loved ones can do if they have concerns about someone they love holding extremist and hateful views and ideologies.
Forever indebted, I want to thank Nicola for talking to us and taking part in this film and to commend her on her strength and courage and for everything that she has done since losing Rasheed in trying to raise awareness about the dangers of radicalisation and extremism.
From the bottom of our hearts, we never want another parent to go through what we have, and this is why this film has been created to show that there is always hope, and together we can reduce extremism and keep families safe.
Sarah
Exit Family Support Team
Need Support?
OK, now you know who we are, what we do and why we do it. Can we help you?
If you would like to gain a better understanding and gain advice from people who have been through this, please sign up for our support programme. All you have to do is click on Module 1 families and register as a site member.
You can also follow our Facebook page at - https://www.facebook.com/exithatetrust/
Here we have posted many links to additional support links and also articles of interest.
If you have a question that isn't answered on our website or in the online programme, please email us any one-off questions you have to - info@exithate.org and one of our volunteers will get back to you as soon as they can.
Please note, we are busier than we have ever been before, so responses do vary so please be patient. Thank you.
If you would prefer to talk to someone, please contact ACT Early.
To find out more, simply visit https://actearly.uk or call 0800 011 3764.
This telephone is manned 24 hours a day.