Dear Families, A Personal Appeal

Dear Families,

Hello, my name is Sarah and I am the Mum of a child that was radicalised into the Extreme Right Wing (ERW) at the tender age of 14/15.

My son was introduced to that world by a friend that showed him a simple meme that stated “British soldiers are homeless on the streets and immigrants are given housing and accommodation".

Personally, knowing former soldiers, that meme stirred interest,anger and resentment in my son and when that friend invited my son into an online far-right group for young teenagers he joined and the door to extremism was opened and the life that we knew was about to change forever.

My son never told me about any of this of course, not only did he know deep down that I would have something to say but he was also encouraged by others not to tell me as I wouldn’t understand, and over time and as I found out that narrative changed to I didn’t care about him simply because I disagreed with his views and opinions. 

For a long time my son stayed silent and absorbed the dis-information being spread by these ERW groups all whilst being befriended by others and encouraged to join more and more groups. He was made to feel special and secure,he believed he had found stability and routine, he found a place where he thought he belonged. They essentially love bombed him. That to a young man with undiagnosed ADHD trying to navigate the big wide world was very appealing.

As time progressed I gradually saw everything that was familiar to my son start to change. His long term friends began to disperse, his education began to suffer, his interests and activities ceased and his close relationships especially ours began to decline. 

His general demeanour changed as well, the loving, caring and fun loving son that I knew was replaced with a deep thinking, irritable, angry and disrespectful stranger that I barely recognised.

His radicalisation into extremism was still unrealised, concerns and judgement about his attitude and behaviour were vocalised and increasing. We looked into possibilities why these changes were occurring but could find no reason. 

He was at home in his room most of the time, which offered me reassurance and blindsided me.

Time passed and eventually I found out about my son's involvement.

One weekend my son told me he was going to watch a sporting event. I was elated to see him going out and partaking in one of his previous interests, however that feeling wasn’t to last.

Later on that evening when he came home he told us that he had been dishonest and that he had actually been to a “demo”. He was reluctant to elaborate and got angrier the more I pushed, all he added was that he intended to go to another which was taking place in a few weeks time. By this time our relationship was so broken that even simple conversations were difficult. It felt like he hated me, he blamed me for everything and anything that went on in life.

My partner and I had a bad feeling and somehow we knew this was connected to his decline. The only thing we could think of was that we had to see for ourselves what these “demos” were about and so we offered him a lift to the next one. 

I made it clear I was not attending but told him that I would go shopping and pick him up later.

The day came and on the journey down, he was the most excited and engaging that I had seen him for a long time. We arrived and he dropped him off. We then parked up and found a place close by where we could observe.

Minutes later my world fell apart when I watched my son march and sing racist slurs with a look of pride on his face that is impossible to forget.

He had noticed us so after the event he excitedly asked my thoughts.

I told him that I too believed that grooming was abhorrent, however I didn’t understand or agree with race and religion being the reason for it.

He went from excited to raging in seconds and we argued all the way home.

Soon after he became very vocal  and public with his hateful opinions and views. Now people weren't just judging him on his behaviour, they were judging him on his views as well.

Some judged both of us.

I knew things were bad, I just didn’t know what to do. I knew he needed help and so did I but I was so scared that I would get him into trouble. I told myself that I was protecting him but I know now that I only enabled his behaviour and allowed the extremists that did this more access and control.

I have since realised that Extremism relies, thrives and survives on the fear and silence of others.

Fortunately a teacher recognised some concerns and unlike me knew that support was needed and knew where to get it, she didn’t hesitate and made a referral that day.

He was referred to Prevent and Chanel and he was given an IP (intervention provider)

His IP went into college and spoke with him over several weeks, and although my son wasn’t best pleased with this to start off with he agreed to speak with him.

Over that time they discussed his views and opinions in detail and researched information involved. It was during this that my son realised that he had been manipulated and lied to by the groups that he called his friends and he made the decision to walk away, to leave the groups and those friendships and never look back.

He deleted all his social media accounts and then came off social media for a long time.

He licked his wounds, his pride and ego had been hurt and he slowly recovered from the damage that he suffered from that kind of emotional deception.  

He slowly and steadily worked on the relationships and friendships that had been damaged and lost.

He started to get involved in interests and activities that he enjoyed prior to involvement and in time he realised that he could make a difference in society, and that difference could include compassion, kindness, understanding and inclusivity.

Fast forward to now. 

He is still doing well. He is once again the fun loving, kind, compassionate son that I once knew. He has great friends, prospects and relationships and a great life.

His past and the judgement have long been forgiven and forgotten. 

Lots of valuable lessons have been learned from what happened.

We learned the hard reality of radicalisation and extremism, and how it can happen to anyone, anywhere.

Oddly, unlike its teachings radicalisation in itself does not discriminate. It can be any gender, any class, any age and any faith.

The one thing that I took away is just how valuable support can be and how much a difference it can make.

Without support we would both be in very different places right now and I dread to think of where that might be.

ACT EARLY - Is a non-criminal space where you can talk about your concerns with specially trained staff in radicalisation and extremism.

ACT EARLY has a multi-body approach, meaning they can link you and your loved one to multiple services for support. 

Today, both myself and my son work to reduce extremism, supporting the work of Exit Hate, helping others see ALL extremism is wrong and with help, people can walk away from extremism and build a better life.

Data shows us that the earlier support is provided  the better the opportunity of a successful outcome.

So please don't wait, give your loved one the best chance possible and get support.

Sarah - Mom of a son once radicalised.

Visit - https://actearly.uk

Call - 0800 011 3764