Hate doesn’t hit you all at once, it is a slow, grooming process, which takes time to develop, take control and eventually you become a victim of political grooming just like I was.
Looking back, I never started out with hateful beliefs, nor did I really understand what I was getting into when I began walking down that path, hate creeps up on you, taking deep root, on your biggest frustrations, vulnerabilities and need for belonging.
As I sit here writing this, I see this now, but when I was involved, I didn't see it, but eventually, I did.
Deciding to leave wasn’t easy, thankfully I was actually caught by the safety net of the Prevent process before I properly left.
But I'm pleased to say that before I was caught and helped by Prevent, the penny had already started to drop, there were small signs that made me realise that this wasn't what I thought it was i.e., a ‘community’ that gave me a feeling of belonging and a purpose, instead it had transformed into a toxic and hostile environment, with the deeper I got involved, the more damage I saw caused, not just by those who were made the scapegoats, but myself and others involved.
Wanting change, I wasn't sure what to do or where to get support. I was scared about changing the life I had become used to and this is why people need support and doors opening, so people can Walk Away From Hate.
Breaking away is hard, being in these groups feels as if you’re hooked up to a life support machine and breaking away means thats it, that’s the end of your life. This may sound drastic, but for those involved, this is what it is like and people need to understand this.
Thankfully, it’s not the end, but a new beginning, to life away from hate. Aware now of extremist grooming, these groups thrive on isolating you from your family, your REAL friends, saying they are your friends, when in fact they aren't. Using people to promote hate, they want you to feel lost, powerless and alone, and this they promote even more, if they think you are thinking of leaving and this shows their real colours and how they don't care, they just want to use people.
So what can be done and what are the first steps people should take to change the way they live and walk away from hate? Well in most cases, you may have come to a place that you want to get away, but you just don’t know how.
The first step is getting help, for some it might be via the Police or Prevent, but it doesn't have to be. Organisations like Exit Hate are here as well and can talk to you from a lived experience perspective and support you through the leaving process, getting you to admit to yourself that you know the ideas you have embraced are wrong and that you’re unhappy.
I know it sounds like a small thing but when you’re in a toxic environment even acknowledging your dissatisfaction feels like a massive betrayal of the beliefs you have held so passionately. Coming to terms with what you’re doing won’t make you feel proud, it in fact made me feel ashamed, but for yourself and others you care about, people must walk away from hate.
Reaching out, although the hardest part, is the best way to break the isolation, it’s liberating. Exit Hate understand, they listen, have been there themselves ad never judge you and help with deradicalising you, putting things into perspective , both politically and personally. Talking to them, these people have been through the same journey as you and me, the support they offer is from the heart and without judgement and are small steps to finding other interests and communities, helping getting your life back on track.
The final step is acknowledging you were wrong, accepting that and then taking whatever action needed to rebuild your life. Walking away from hate means not only leaving behind the ideology, but also the social structure that comes with it.
There were people I let go of, people I thought were my ‘friends’ who I thought I trusted. There were hard conversations but in time I found new people, people who accepted me for who I was a not what I believed. An interest in politics is natural and you can be into politics but that should never include hate as all extremist ideologies are not only not realistic, but they aren't acceptable and never should be.
After leaving hate my life now is so different. The weight and pressure of anger and fear simply aren’t there anymore.
I’ve found peace in embracing diversity and empathy in realising that none of us has the answers needed to many of the problems of society, so instead now I focus on myself and my own personal growth.
Looking to close, all I can say is leaving hate is the hardest thing I’ve done but it’s a big step to getting the rest of my life back on track and if I can help others to do the same by sharing my thoughts, then this helps make up for the things I have done while an activist and shows we can all do something to reduce hate.
Conner
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